Confessions of a Mermaid Mustang:No Muscle Control Part 1

The pounding on the back sliding glass door wasn't as loud as when it started. He was knocking now, and begging, "Please, baby, let me in. I'm sorry. Open the door mama, come on." He was trying to sound as sweet as possible. She continued to ignore him, but he just wouldn't stop. She lay there on the bed stiff, trying not to breath, hoping he'd just go away. Where are the police? Shouldn't they still be patrolling the area?

Her back and the vaginal area to her inner thighs was sore. Sore beyond belief. How did I get so sore right there, she wondered. I don't remember falling that hard. She began to unfold the horrible night in her head. She couldn't believe she was in this situation. She recalls all the times she would almost feel disgust for any girl that stayed in an abusive relationship. Now look at her... pathetic, she thought. I'm absolutely pathetic. Then she realized why it hurt down there, it must have been from running. It has to be. The pressure from the weight of the baby and her running as fast as she could down the street, of course she was sore. I mean after all, she only weighed about 135 and she was 6 months pregnant. Sometimes it hurt to walk. The sprint that she attempted in hopes to get away, made her realize how dangerous all this really was. How stupid could she be? He worked out everyday for two hours, stood at a stocky 5'8 and weighed around 275 lbs. He was a bull dog on a rage. He could kill her with her bare hands. She knew it. He knew it. He even told her....

It all started because he lost his cell phone. He searched every spot he could've dropped it. Even made her get out and search with him in the dark. He kept accusing her of having it. Over and over again. He wouldn't let it go. He looked scary, possessed, like he wasn't even there. She looked over at him and asked, "Do you see yourself? Can you see what you're doing? You're not right in the head, right now. Please, let's just go home. I don't know where your cell phone is. I promise" He was sitting in the drivers side of the 1967 Chevy Impala just glazing out the front window, eyes wide and angry, and empty. Quietly, but very clearly he begins to speak, "You better give me back my phone or find it or I'm gonna kill you." She frowned in disbelief, she almost wanted to smile. "Uh, do you hear yourself right now? You're gonna kill me because you can't find YOUR phone? Are you serious right now? Kill me? You're freaking crazy. What are you on?"

"I'll kill you...." That was all he said as he continued to gaze into the night. Then he put the keys into the ignition and erupted the quiet nights with the roar of motor. It was a beautiful sound to Jewell, she especially appreciated it tonight because they had already been sitting in the car for almost three hours, looking for that damn cell phone. She wanted to go home.

As soon as they were in the garage, he told her, "So what are you going to do."

"Look for your cell phone" she replied sadly. "Go" He commanded. As she pretended to look all over the house for something that she knew wasn't there she tried to think of an escape route. When could she get away? And who could she call? Where would she go? The answers that came into her head made her feel sick. Never. No One. No Where. She felt too stupid about being in such an abusive relationship to call anyone. Therefore, she really had no where to go without having to explain what was going on. This is ridiculous, she thought.

She walked into the bathroom, locked the door and then sat on the toilet, and was startled by banging on the door. "Why is this god damn f*$@ing door locked!!???" "I'm going pee!!!" She screamed. But even before she could finish he kicked the door in.

Jewell's heart was pounding. She was so surprised and shocked she didn't have a chance to be scared yet. Until he turned around and looked at her. His face was scrunched up in anger, eyes angled like a demon, his lips curled up in a snarl, his shoulders were high and tense, it seemed his neck had disappeared, and his huge chest puffed out and in with each loud breath he took. His hands were clenched so tightly in a fist they were red, like blood, but it wasn't blood, not yet any how.  His whole body was was shaking in anger and for being so big, Jewell was beginning to realize, he was still so god damn quick.  All of a sudden he was on top of her, almost like a monkey devouring it's prey.  He some how managed to place his feet on the sides of the toilet seat and drop all his weight onto her stomach.  She couldn't move, he was so heavy.  Her attempts to push him off were useless.  He took both of his thumbs and placed them over her eyes and started to push.  Jewell was scared, and confused, but still she wondered why?  Why would he choose to gouge my eyeballs?  He's absolutely crazy.  Off in the head.  She always thought he was no steroids, but this definitely confirmed it.  He had hit her a couple times before and got so angry it was frightening, but this was the first time he lost it completely.  She was crying and screaming, telling him to stop.  Praying someone would hear her.  She realized why he was going for her eyes.  She knew that if he couldn't have her, no one could.  He would make her ugly.  The way his mind worked was pure insanity.  It was so corrupted with sick thoughts and inhumane ideas. 

She kept begging and pleading, "Please stop! Please, baby, stop!"  Finally,he did, he got off her tummy and she could finally breath.  She stared at him, eyes wide with fright.  She thought maybe he stopped because he maybe came back to.  But the look in his eyes made it very clear, he was still off in some other world.  Shit, some other universe.  He didn't even look like the same person.  She couldn't believe that this was actually happening.  She wasn't sure what to say, how to handle him, what to do.  "Baby, a-a-a-are you okay?"  She finally stammered out.  "Where's my phone?"

Oh my fucking god, she couldn't believe it.  She wasn't sure how to answer.  Was this guy serious? "Find my phone.  Where is it? Where's my phone?"  She had to stop herself.  Even with this chaos it was hard for her not to pop at the mouth with a smart ass remark.  Could you imagine what he would do if she said, "Is this seriously all about a god damn fucking phone?"

Instead she was able to get out, "Uhhhh.... I don't know.  Why are you doing this?  Please stop."  She started to slowly get up to pull her panties up and then her pants.  While he just sat there glaring at her.  Like a zombie.  And all he could say is, "Where's my phone?"  She started slowly walking backwards to the room.  He just kept staring at her and with that dead gaze then began walking towards her.  She was in the room pretending to look again, when he said it again, "Where's my phone?" Frustrated she replied, "I DON'T KNOW!!"  He pounced on her quick.  Knocking her to the couch.  He was on top of her again.  He had his face inches away from hers.  "Please, your gonna hurt the baby."  Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.  How could she be so stupid.  Why did she even bring it up?  The could practically hear the click that went off in his head.  He looked at her like a mad scientist who just thought of a wicked idea.  His hand slowly moved to her belly.  "I could kill it with my bare hands." She pleaded with him to stop.  She begged him no.  He was pushing it hard and squeezing, it was beginning to hurt.  He was saying hateful things he said he'd kill it and leave her here, with a dead baby in her body.  Jewell was beyond afraid, she was trying to push his hand away, but she didn't want to wiggle and squirm too much.  She was afraid the struggle might cause more damage.   But he finally stopped and for a quick second, she saw him.  Her papi, her sweetness, the complete opposite of this monster.  But it was too quick for her to do anything.  The glaze over his eyes had already returned.  He got up quickly and left the room.  Left her whimpering on the floor in the position of a fetus.  Like the one in her belly.  Hopefully, still breathing.  She was shaking from the fighting, shaking from her crying, and shaking from her breathing, she needed to calm down.  Get a hold of yourself Jewell, for the baby.   Big breath in, big breath out, big breath in, big breath out.  She never took her breathing classes, but she knew how to control herself and her breaths.  She put her hand to her stomach and lay still for awhile.  She knew he was okay, she could sense it.  But, a kick would be reassuring.  Come on little one, kick.  Kick for me.  She never referred to him as hers, or told him she was mommy.  She didn't want any attachment.  He wasn't hers, he never would be.  It was final and she was set, this baby was going up for adoption.